May 1998
Issue 002COVER
Our first 'real' issue!
Microsoft Bundles Coke with Windows 98NEWS
Microsoft flips position on controversal cola debate.
The Beautiful GameNEWS
It only happens once every four years. It makes the Olympics seem like a child's talent show. What is it? It's World Cup 98!
Bethany College to Be First Educational Institution in SpaceNEWS
The college on the move gets ready to make another.
Havoc Publisher Buys Expensive CarNEWS
Jealous staff members express dismay at ostentatious purchase.
The Boy Who Refused to Go to the BathroomFICTION
A Story for Rebellious Children
Where Are Today's Heroes?COMMENTARY
In a society that values flash over substance, what does that tell the next generation?
Classifieds
by Contributors
PERSONAL:
Lonely? Our Mom service will make you feel worse! Call 1-888-55BIGNAG.JOB: Become a lawyer for beleagured Redmond, WA software company. No experience necessary. Hiring thousands!
PERSONAL:
Retired butcher seeks woman who won't treat him as a piece of meat.FOR SALE:
Leftover bottle of Hair Care for Men. Will sell cheap. Send offer to .PERSONAL:
I'm a heavyset bearded man, conservative, 50ish, with good sense of humor. Looking for the same in a woman.WANTED:
Looking for million-dollar paintings for cheap. My budget is under $50.JOB:
Carry nuclear waste! Pay is $10/pound. Health insurance/protective gear not included.PERSONAL:
Young bird to give me birdbaths.WANTED:
Young lady involved in Presidential sex scandal seeks high-paying, inconspicuous job away from reporters. Send proposal to .JOB: Help recent lottery winner dispose of disposable income. No pay, but you get to watch me waste millions.
PERSONAL:
Looking for love in all the wrong places. Please send instructions.WANTED:
New ideas for classified ads.JOB:
Replacement for pet monkey. Few tasks, fetch slippers, etc. Full-time. Free room and board.
