Infamous for his impulsive multi-million dollar spending sprees and occasional jaunts in the Kalihari, Marc swears he's a figment of his own imagination. His favorite quote is "I imagine I am not, therefore I must be."
A reclusive genius, Norm spends his free time reading dictionaries and thinking profound philosophical thoughts which he does not share with others. "My thoughts," he says in his quiet, shy voice. "Not yours."
Nearly as beautiful as her graphic creations, Leigh is as elusive as a cat. Never drifting in to work before midnight, she claims she's a struggling student, but no local university or college has any record of her existence.
, Editorial Co-editor
A canny creature who's never too shy for a debate, especially if there's an opponent. Fortunately his term in Attica has been expunged from the public record. Today he's a moderately sane fellow with a smart mouth and fingers worn thin from calling radio talk shows.
, Editorial Co-editor
His mother denies he was born in traditional human fashion, but rumors abound that Tim exited the birth canal preaching against her out-of-wedlock birth. Infamous for his ability to talk without pause, Tim's fourth wife swears he spoke all night, every night.
, Photo Editor
A frail, invisible girl, Ginger finds photography gives her a vague sense of identity. "When I click the shutter," she says, "I am, for that moment, as much a part of the image as whomever I photograph. It's my feeble bid for imortality."
, Technology Editor
Abandoned by his parents, Mac was raised by and lived inside a lonely IBM 4090 (in an unnoticed corner of Xerox's massive PARC complex) until 1984. According to legend, computers at that time sucked so bad he refused to emerge until Apple introduced the Macintosh, "the world's first usable computer" (according to Mac).
, Society Editor
Due to a minor clerical error, Rue and her twin were switched at birth, leaving Rue eternally in the shadow of her famous sister. "I had to wear her hand-me-downs," complains Rue. "And since we were the same age, by the time she outgrew them, they were too small for me."
, Literary Editor
Born in the late 1700s, there is no evidence that Paige has ever spoken to anyone. Some consider her rude, but her priority is reading, and talking interferes with the reading process. When she's not catching up on the latest Agatha Christie mystery, Paige enjoys writing about books.
, Music Editor
Do not speak, for Ludwig will not hear -- his ears are plugged to preserve them only for the mellow sounds of Bach, his favorite composer, and the occasional modern CD, a sacrifice endured for the sole purpose of protecting consumers from auditory injury.
|Head Writer:||M.T. Noggin|
|Foot Writer:||Baire Bottom|
|Medical Writer:||Dr. Ima Payne|
|Anonymous Writer:||Jayne Dough|
|Guest Writer:||Thom Joans|
|Ghost Writer:||Joseph Bloat|
|Waiter:||Rued N. Slough|
|Publicist:||Johan Q. Publique|