April 1998
Issue 001COVER
The Return of a Legend
What the Hell Is This Thing??!!COMMENTARY
How it all began.
Clinton versus PalmerCOMMENTARY
An eerie coincidence? I don't think so.
Homer Did ItNEWS
Home denies he did it, surprise, surprise.
Rage Against the MediaCOMMENTARY
The media blames the public for the media's faults.
Apple: It's Own Worst Enemy?COMMENTARY
After years of loses and controversy, suddenly Apple's Wall Street's darling.
Giant Alien Maytag Cuts FingerNEWS
David Van Wagner stitched.
Publisher Hangs Himself!NEWS
Read how the publisher of the Havoc killed himself back in 1991.
World Cup 94 ReportNEWS
With World Cup 98 nearly upon us, this ancient report is curiously appropriate again.
The Guilt-free Drink for LiberalsADVERTISEMENT
The Ultimate Refreshment.
Homer Did It
by James T. Cost
LOS ANGELES: In yet another shocking twist in the O.J. saga, L.A. Police acknowleged a distant relative of O.J. Simpson admited guilt.Simpson, the most famous murder suspect of all time, characteristically had no comment.
Police sources say that the relative is Homer Simpson, star of the hit TV show The Simpsons.
According to reports, Homer was picked up for outstanding parking tickets. At the Police Station he ran to a desk clerk and blurted out, "I did it. I confess. It's all my fault."
Homer alegedly ran into Nicole Brown Simpson and her children at a Brentwood ice cream parlor the night of the killings. Nicole's children apparently entreated him to return home with them to entertain them with "stupid antics."
Simpson claims he ran off in anger saying "I'm not dumb!" Around the corner he spilled the ice cream cone, and while attempting recovery, slipped on it, hit his head, and woke up the next morning.
Homer further claims he has been hiding in shame ever since, only showing up for work on his television show. He says he only became aware of the murders when prosecution members selected him for jury duty, stating he was a "perfect ignoramus."
When told that he might be in serious trouble, Mr. Simpson's response was "Doh!"
No motive is known.
